7 Ways to Tell If Your Roommate Is A Goldfish

Roommates are not always easy to deal with. People become accustomed to their own quirks and when you mix those worlds, those odd behaviors will begin to become a part of your life too. What you might not realize is that some of your roommate's little tics are dead giveaways that you're actually sharing your space a goldfish. Here are the signs to watch out for:

1. They Never Do Dishes

If your roommate never seems to be pulling his/her weight when it comes to cleaning the dirty dishes, don't chalk it up to laziness right away. What initially seems like a shirking of human responsibilities might actually mean that they're a goldfish. With no arms, legs, or conception of what human dishes even are, your roommate will likely never scrub down a glass or a fork because they physically can't! Once you realize that, you might want to just get to those dishes yourself.

2. They're Always Late On Rent

Since goldfish don't earn money, there is no way that they're going to be able to get you a rent check on time. They have to go through a full process of learning to write with their fins, earn and manage money, and conceptualize human constructs without the use of a full human brain. You have to come to the understanding that as a goldfish, your roommate will end up being late on the rent more often than not. Put yourself in their shoes.

3. They Never Turn Off The Lights In The Other Room

Goldfish cannot reach any of the light switches, so when you walk into another room and get mad at your roommate, ask yourself, "Is my roomie being inconsiderate, or is he really just a goldfish?" Taking a moment to ask yourself that question will really open you up and consider the possibility that maybe, just maybe, your anger has been misplaced. Flip the light switch down yourself and remember that your goldfish roommate is just being himself.

4. They Constantly Gasp For Air When Not Submerged In Water

Whenever you see your roommate on the couch or on the floor, are they constantly gasping for breath as if their entire bodies have dried out? This is possibly one of the clearest signs that your roommate is, in fact, a goldfish. Goldfish love being in the water because it's the only way for them to continue to live. If they're also flopping around as if to ask to be put back into the glass bowl that they've been using as their room, that is just a double confirmation of something that you should have long been suspicious about.

5. They Always Forget Your Birthday

Goldfish have notoriously short memories and attention spans. After about 15 seconds, they will forget anything that has happened. This quirk will lead them to forgetting about your birthday, not only every year, but throughout the actual day. That's just the way that your roommate's mind was built, so you need to take that into consideration before taking it personally. Your roommate is not trying to hurt you. He just has a bad goldfish memory.

6. They Always Forget Your Birthday

Goldfish have notoriously short memories and attention spans. After about 15 seconds, they will forget anything that has happened. This quirk will lead them to forgetting about your birthday, not only every year, but throughout the day. That's just the way that your roommate's mind was built, so you need to take that into consideration before taking it personally. Your roommate is not trying to hurt you. He just has a bad goldfish memory.

7. They Die After About 2-3 Weeks

Goldfish have very short lifespans, so when your roommate suddenly dies after only 3 weeks of knowing him, you don't have to panic about hiding a body somewhere or getting blamed. It's really pretty likely at this point that your roommate has been a goldfish the whole time. You can take his lifeless orange corpse and flush him down the toilet. And look on the bright side. Not only do you have the apartment to yourself, but you've learned to be a little bit more tolerant of other people and their lifestyles.