Mulan: As An Asian-American, I Need To Borrow $30 To Finish This Review

Asian-Americans, this is what we’ve been waiting for! The live-action remake of Mulan is finally here, and it’s only $30, which is how much I’ll need to borrow from one of you in order to finish this review. The classic tale of Fa Mulan, a young girl who takes her father’s place in the army in order to protect her family and country, is finally available for anyone with a mere $30. Unfortunately, that makes it unavailable to me, as I have previously stated that I need to borrow $30. In the original 1998 film, Mulan is a cartoon and is friends with a cartoon dragon and a cartoon cricket. In this one, she is not, and the dragon never appeared in the trailers, so I assume he isn’t in the movie. He might be though? If someone could Venmo me $30, I’d be able to definitively say whether the cartoon dragon is in this movie. I’d even be willing to download Cash App if that’s what it takes. Hey do you think it’s the “Cash App” app or just the “Cash” app? Like Venmo isn’t called “Venmo App”. Anyway, just something I’ve had time to think about since I haven’t been watching Mulan since I don’t have $30. If you could spot me on this one, I’d be happy to finish this review. No worries if you can’t though. I’m just gonna order a pizza or something.

Grade without $30: F
Grade with $30: ?