Captain America Civil War: Huge Letdown! I Lost My Favorite Pair Of Sunglasses In The Bathroom

Well, that was a bummer. 

All the waiting has finally come to an end and Captain America: Civil War has finally made it to theaters. The Russos certainly didn't disappoint with their last outing in The Winter Soldier, arguably one of the most compelling films in the franchise, and this new film certainly had a whole lot of promise. Not only would there be more heroes, but this was the film that would finally introduce Black Panther and Spider-Man into the MCU. If anyone could handle this task, it'd be the Russo brother.

Unfortunately, nobody warned me that I might end up losing my favorite pair of sunglasses in the bathroom right before seeing the movie. 

I was riding up the escalator to my local theater, the same one that had cranked up the AC a little too much when I went to see Keanu, and I felt like my hair was pushed back in a crazy way, so I took my sunglasses off, holding them firmly in my hand. When I got my ticket ripped, the guy handed me a second pair of foldable 3D glasses, which I let hang around my neck. By the time I entered the bathroom, I had too many things in my hands, so I put my actual sunglasses in my pocket. One stem in, hanging out of the side. That was the last time I remember seeing them. 

I washed my hands, dodged a crowd, and went into the theater. When I sat down to put on my glasses, I realized that I didn't know where my own sunglasses were. Had they fallen out? Who knew? I backtracked, looking by the urinal, by the sinks, and on the path from the bathroom to my seat. No luck. I'd have to watch this entire movie with the haunting thought of my missing sunglasses. 

The action in the movie was fantastic. Each Avenger moves with their own level of comfort and confidence as they take to battle. Black Widow's quick, calculated movements and Wanda and Falcon's team-up attacks are a thing of beauty. However, these sequences were slightly undercut by the fact that with every passing moment, it became less and less likely that I'd be reunited with my favorite pair of VonZipper sunglasses. 

What makes this film stand out is that while Cap, Tony and Bucky's storylines drive us through the movie, we still get full, deep moments with every major character in the story. We truly feel the raw, human pain and struggle in each character, which was easy for me to relate to because I knew that there was no world in which my sunglasses would ever be worn by me again. Someone in that huge crowd I had dodged probably scooped them up. Or that loud little kid who ran into the bathroom and screamed while he peed. 

Don't even get me started on Spider-Man. I literally cried when Spider-Man showed up and started quipping simply because I was so happy that this movie existed. Additional tears flowed because my sunglasses were basically wiped from existence from whoever found them. There's a goddamned help desk, you know. God, I hope someone turns them in there. 

I will be returning to view this movie several times. Partly because I liked it, but mostly because I want to be there for my sunglasses. Everyone at the theater may be telling me that they'll never turn up and to move, but that's when I have to plant myself like a tree beside the river of truth and tell the people at the movie theater, "No, you move."  

Grade after losing my favorite sunglasses: C
Grade if I had never lost my sunglasses: A+